Which Words Should Be Changed To Make The Sentence More Appropriate For A General Audience?

What this handout is about

This handout can help y'all revise your papers for word-level clarity, eliminate wordiness and avoid clichés, find the words that best express your ideas, and cull words that suit an academic audition.

Introduction

Writing is a series of choices. As you work on a paper, you cull your topic, your arroyo, your sources, and your thesis; when information technology's time to write, yous accept to choose the words you will use to limited your ideas and determine how you volition arrange those words into sentences and paragraphs. As yous revise your draft, yous brand more choices. You might ask yourself, "Is this really what I hateful?" or "Will readers understand this?" or "Does this sound good?" Finding words that capture your meaning and convey that meaning to your readers is challenging. When your instructors write things like "bad-mannered," "vague," or "wordy" on your typhoon, they are letting you lot know that they want yous to piece of work on give-and-take pick. This handout will explain some common bug related to word selection and give y'all strategies for choosing the best words equally you revise your drafts.

As you read further into the handout, keep in mind that information technology tin can sometimes accept more time to "save" words from your original sentence than to write a make new sentence to convey the aforementioned meaning or idea. Don't be too attached to what y'all've already written; if you are willing to start a sentence fresh, y'all may be able to choose words with greater clarity.

For tips on making more substantial revisions, have a look at our handouts on reorganizing drafts and revising drafts.

"Awkward," "vague," and "unclear" word choice

And then: you write a paper that makes perfect sense to you, just it comes back with "awkward" scribbled throughout the margins. Why, you wonder, are instructors so fond of terms similar "awkward"? Almost instructors use terms like this to depict your attention to sentences they had trouble understanding and to encourage y'all to rewrite those sentences more clearly.

Difficulties with word selection aren't the just cause of awkwardness, vagueness, or other problems with clarity. Sometimes a sentence is difficult to follow because there is a grammatical trouble with information technology or because of the syntax (the way the words and phrases are put together). Here's an example: "Having finished with studying, the pizza was rapidly eaten." This judgement isn't hard to empathise considering of the words I chose—everybody knows what studying, pizza, and eating are. The problem here is that readers will naturally presume that first flake of the sentence "(Having finished with studying") goes with the adjacent noun that follows information technology—which, in this case, is "the pizza"! It doesn't make a lot of sense to imply that the pizza was studying. What I was actually trying to limited was something more similar this: "Having finished with studying, the students quickly ate the pizza." If you take a judgement that has been marked "awkward," "vague," or "unclear," endeavour to call back most it from a reader'due south betoken of view—encounter if yous can tell where information technology changes direction or leaves out important data.

Sometimes, though, problems with clarity are a matter of give-and-take choice. Come across if y'all recognize any of these issues:

Misused words—the word doesn't really mean what the writer thinks it does.
Example: Cree Indians were a monotonous civilisation until French and British settlers arrived.
Revision: Cree Indians were a homogenous culture.
Words with unwanted connotations or meanings.
Example: I sprayed the ants in their private places.
Revision: I sprayed the ants in their hiding places.
Using a pronoun when readers can't tell whom/what information technology refers to.
Example: My cousin Jake hugged my blood brother Trey, fifty-fifty though he didn't like him very much.
Revision: My cousin Jake hugged my blood brother Trey, fifty-fifty though Jake doesn't similar Trey very much.
Jargon or technical terms that make readers work unnecessarily hard. Possibly you need to apply some of these words because they are important terms in your field, simply don't throw them in just to "sound smart."
Example: The dialectical interface between neo-Platonists and anti-disestablishment Catholics offers an algorithm for deontological thought.
Revision: The dialogue between neo-Platonists and sure Catholic thinkers is a model for deontological idea.
Loaded linguistic communication. Sometimes we equally writers know what we mean by a sure word, but nosotros haven't ever spelled that out for readers. Nosotros rely too heavily on that word, perhaps repeating it often, without clarifying what we are talking about.
Example: Society teaches immature girls that dazzler is their most of import quality. In order to forbid eating disorders and other health bug, nosotros must alter social club.
Revision: Contemporary American popular media, like magazines and movies, teach young girls that beauty is their nigh important quality. In society to prevent eating disorders and other wellness issues, we must alter the images and part models girls are offered.

Wordiness

Sometimes the problem isn't choosing exactly the right discussion to express an idea—it's existence "wordy," or using words that your reader may regard as "extra" or inefficient. Take a look at the following list for some examples. On the left are some phrases that use three, 4, or more words where fewer volition do; on the correct are some shorter substitutes:

I came to the realization that	I realized that
She is of the opinion that	She thinks that
Concerning the thing of	Nearly
During the course of	During
In the event that	If
In the procedure of	During, while
Regardless of the fact that	Although
Due to the fact that	Because
In all cases	Ever
At that point in time	Then
Prior to	Earlier

Keep an heart out for wordy constructions in your writing and see if y'all tin can replace them with more concise words or phrases.

Clichés

In academic writing, it'due south a good idea to limit your use of clichés. Clichés are catchy little phrases so frequently used that they have go trite, corny, or annoying. They are problematic because their overuse has diminished their touch and because they require several words where just one would do.

The chief mode to avoid clichés is first to recognize them and then to create shorter, fresher equivalents. Ask yourself if there is one discussion that means the aforementioned thing as the cliché. If in that location isn't, can y'all utilise two or three words to country the idea your own style? Below you will see 5 mutual clichés, with some alternatives to their correct. Equally a claiming, encounter how many alternatives you can create for the final two examples.

Concur to disagree	Disagree
Dead equally a doornail	Dead
Last but non least	Last
Pushing the envelope	Approaching the limit
Upwards in the air	Unknown/undecided

Endeavor these yourself:

Play it by ear	_____?_____
Let the cat out of the bag	_____?_____

Writing for an academic audition

When you choose words to limited your ideas, you have to think not but about what makes sense and sounds best to you, but what volition make sense and sound best to your readers. Thinking about your audience and their expectations will assistance yous brand decisions about word choice.

Some writers remember that academic audiences expect them to "sound smart" by using large or technical words. Just the most important goal of academic writing is not to sound smart—it is to communicate an statement or information conspicuously and assuredly. It is true that academic writing has a certain fashion of its ain and that y'all, as a pupil, are beginning to learn to read and write in that style. You may notice yourself using words and grammatical constructions that yous didn't use in your high school writing. The danger is that if you consciously ready out to "sound smart" and use words or structures that are very unfamiliar to you, y'all may produce sentences that your readers can't understand.

When writing for your professors, recollect simplicity. Using simple words does non indicate simple thoughts. In an academic statement newspaper, what makes the thesis and statement sophisticated are the connections presented in simple, clear language.

Keep in mind, though, that uncomplicated and articulate doesn't necessarily mean casual. Most instructors will non be pleased if your paper looks like an instant message or an email to a friend. It's usually best to avert slang and colloquialisms. Take a look at this example and ask yourself how a professor would probably respond to it if it were the thesis statement of a paper: "Moulin Rouge actually bit because the singing sucked and the costume colors were nasty, KWIM?"

Selecting and using key terms

When writing academic papers, it is often helpful to discover key terms and apply them within your paper every bit well equally in your thesis. This section comments on the crucial divergence between repetition and back-up of terms and works through an example of using key terms in a thesis statement.

Repetition vs. redundancy

These two phenomena are not necessarily the same. Repetition can be a good thing. Sometimes nosotros have to use our key terms several times within a paper, especially in topic sentences. Sometimes in that location is simply no substitute for the key terms, and selecting a weaker term as a synonym can do more than damage than skilful. Repeating key terms emphasizes important points and signals to the reader that the argument is still being supported. This kind of repetition can give your paper cohesion and is done by conscious pick.

In contrast, if you find yourself frustrated, tiredly repeating the same nouns, verbs, or adjectives, or making the same point over and over, you lot are probably being redundant. In this case, you lot are swimming frantically around the aforementioned points because y'all have not decided what your argument really is or because you are truly drawn and clarity escapes you. Refer to the "Strategies" section below for ideas on revising for redundancy.

Building clear thesis statements

Writing clear sentences is important throughout your writing. For the purposes of this handout, let'south focus on the thesis argument—one of the most of import sentences in bookish argument papers. You can utilize these ideas to other sentences in your papers.

A common problem with writing good thesis statements is finding the words that best capture both the important elements and the significance of the essay's argument. Information technology is not ever easy to condense several paragraphs or several pages into concise key terms that, when combined in 1 sentence, tin effectively depict the statement.

However, taking the time to find the right words offers writers a significant edge. Concise and appropriate terms will help both the writer and the reader go along track of what the essay will show and how it volition prove it. Graders, in particular, similar to run across clearly stated thesis statements. (For more than on thesis statements in general, please refer to our handout.)

Example: Yous've been assigned to write an essay that contrasts the river and shore scenes in Marking Twain's Huckleberry Finn. Yous piece of work on it for several days, producing three versions of your thesis:

Version ane: There are many important river and shore scenes in Blueberry Finn.

Version two: The contrasting river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature.

Version iii: Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain'southward Blueberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave "civilized" society and become back to nature.

Let's consider the word selection issues in these statements. In Version 1, the word "important"—like "interesting"—is both overused and vague; information technology suggests that the author has an opinion just gives very little indication about the framework of that opinion. As a result, your reader knows only that you lot're going to talk about river and shore scenes, but not what yous're going to say. Version 2 is an improvement: the words "return to nature" give your reader a ameliorate idea where the paper is headed. On the other hand, she still does not know how this render to nature is crucial to your understanding of the novel.

Finally, y'all come up with Version 3, which is a stronger thesis because information technology offers a sophisticated argument and the key terms used to make this argument are articulate. At least three key terms or concepts are evident: the contrast betwixt river and shore scenes, a render to nature, and American autonomous ideals.

Past itself, a key term is merely a topic—an element of the argument but not the argument itself. The argument, so, becomes articulate to the reader through the fashion in which you combine key terms.

Strategies for successful word choice

Exist conscientious when using words you are unfamiliar with. Expect at how they are used in context and check their dictionary definitions.
Exist conscientious when using the thesaurus. Each word listed as a synonym for the word you're looking up may have its own unique connotations or shades of meaning. Use a dictionary to exist sure the synonym you are because really fits what you are trying to say.
Don't try to impress your reader or audio disproportionately administrative. For instance, which sentence is clearer to y'all: "a" or "b"?
1. Under the present conditions of our club, matrimony practices generally demonstrate a high degree of homogeneity.
2. In our culture, people tend to ally others who are similar themselves. (Longman, p. 452)
Before you revise for accurate and strong adjectives, make certain you lot are kickoff using accurate and strong nouns and verbs. For example, if you were revising the sentence "This is a good book that tells about the Revolutionary War," remember well-nigh whether "book" and "tells" are as stiff as they could exist before you worry most "expert." (A stronger judgement might read "The novel describes the experiences of a soldier during the Revolutionary War." "Novel" tells united states of america what kind of book it is, and "describes" tells united states of america more about how the book communicates information.)
Try the slash/option technique, which is like brainstorming as you write. When you go stuck, write out two or more choices for a questionable give-and-take or a confusing sentence, due east.g., "questionable/inaccurate/vague/inappropriate." Pick the word that best indicates your meaning or combine different terms to say what y'all mean.
Look for repetition. When yous discover information technology, determine if information technology is "good" repetition (using key terms that are crucial and helpful to pregnant) or "bad" repetition (redundancy or laziness in reusing words).
Write your thesis in five different ways. Make five dissimilar versions of your thesis sentence. Compose five sentences that limited your argument. Endeavour to come up with four alternatives to the thesis sentence yous've already written. Notice v possible ways to communicate your argument in one sentence to your reader. (We've only used this technique—which of the last five sentences practice you prefer?)Whenever we write a sentence we make choices. Some are less obvious than others, and so that information technology can often feel like we've written the sentence the only way we know how. By writing out five different versions of your thesis, you can begin to run across your range of choices. The concluding version may be a combination of phrasings and words from all v versions, or the i version that says it best. By literally spelling out some possibilities for yourself, you lot will be able to make better decisions.
Read your newspaper out loud and at… a… dull… pace. You can do this alone or with a friend, roommate, TA, etc. When read out loud, your written words should make sense to both you and other listeners. If a sentence seems confusing, rewrite it to make the meaning clear.
Instead of reading the paper itself, put it downwardly and just talk through your argument every bit concisely as you tin can. If your listener quickly and easily comprehends your essay's main point and significance, you should then make sure that your written words are every bit clear equally your oral presentation was. If, on the other hand, your listener keeps request for clarification, you will demand to work on finding the right terms for your essay. If you do this in exchange with a friend or classmate, rest assured that whether you are the talker or the listener, your articulation skills will develop.
Accept someone not familiar with the issue read the paper and point out words or sentences he/she finds confusing. Do not castor off this reader's confusion by assuming he or she just doesn't know enough about the topic. Instead, rewrite the sentences then that your "outsider" reader can follow along at all times.
Check out the Writing Middle's handouts on fashion, passive vocalism, and proofreading for more tips.

Questions to ask yourself

Am I sure what each discussion I use really means? Am I positive, or should I await it up?
Take I constitute the all-time word or just settled for the most obvious, or the easiest, one?
Am I trying too hard to print my reader?
What's the easiest way to write this sentence? (Sometimes it helps to answer this question by trying it out loud. How would you say it to someone?)
What are the primal terms of my argument?
Can I outline out my argument using only these primal terms? What others exercise I demand? Which do I not demand?
Have I created my own terms, or have I but borrowed what looked like key ones from the consignment? If I've borrowed the terms, can I find better ones in my ain vocabulary, the texts, my notes, the dictionary, or the thesaurus to make myself clearer?
Are my cardinal terms too specific? (Do they cover the entire range of my statement?) Can I call up of specific examples from my sources that fall under the key term?
Are my key terms too vague? (Do they encompass more than the range of my statement?)

Works consulted

We consulted these works while writing this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of resource on the handout'due south topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find additional publications. Please do not apply this list every bit a model for the format of your ain reference listing, as it may not match the citation mode you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, delight see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial. We revise these tips periodically and welcome feedback.

Anson, Chris One thousand., and Robert A. Schwegler. 2010. The Longman Handbook for Writers and Readers, 6th ed. New York: Longman.

Cook, Claire Kehrwald. 1985. Line past Line: How to Meliorate Your Own Writing. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Grossman, Ellie. 1997. The Grammatically Correct Handbook: A Lively and Unorthodox Review of Common English language for the Linguistically Challenged. New York: Hyperion.

Houghton Mifflin. 1996. The American Heritage Book of English Usage: A Practical and Authoritative Guide to Gimmicky English language. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

O'Conner, Patricia. 2010. Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe's Guide to Amend English in Manifestly English, 3rd ed. New York: Penguin Publishing Grouping.

Tarshis, Barry. 1998. How to Be Your Ain Best Editor: The Toolkit for Everyone Who Writes. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Williams, Joseph, and Joseph Bizup. 2017. Fashion: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, 12th ed. Boston: Pearson.

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